can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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