Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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