She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
