dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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