his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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