I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
