Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
