You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My life is pants optional.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
