im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
