**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
