At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
