She is in my trunk
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
