hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize