got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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