It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
