Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
