At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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