If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
