Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
