2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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