my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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