sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
