Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
