dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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