either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
you're hired as official boob wrangler
All the doctor said was why
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
