Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
