2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
