literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Oh god it's open bar.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
