false alarm. still invincible.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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