Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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