I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
