i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
