Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
