I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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