K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
