I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
