Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
