he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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