It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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