Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
