Where did you get a picture of my penis
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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