You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
