just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
