My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
