he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
