Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
