Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
