I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just sucked dick on a ferry
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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