Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
