hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
