So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
