he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
